JOSH MARLAR
Author
WHEN THE WORSE
HAS HAPPENED:
FIVE WAYS OF REBUILDING TRUST AFTER AN AFFAIR
Introduction:
Finding out that your significant other has engaged in an extramarital relationship can be an earth-shattering experience, shaking the very foundation of your relationship. It's a painful and challenging situation, but it's important to remember that healing is possible. I get it. In your mind, something like this has always been one of those dealbreakers. I'll be honest; some couples don't make it after something like this, but that is the exception. There is rarely an easy road in front of you, whichever way you lean. As a couples therapist, I understand the complexity of emotions and difficulty moving forward. In this article, we will delve into various aspects of constructive steps to help you and your partner navigate the tumultuous aftermath of an affair and rebuild trust in your relationship.
Allow Yourself to Feel
The initial shock of discovering infidelity can trigger A variety of feelings, spanning from rage and disappointment to sorrow and perplexity. Those are all normal, of course. Giving yourself the time and space to process these feelings is crucial. Suppressing emotions can hinder the healing process, so acknowledge and express what you're going through, whether journaling, talking to a friend, or seeking professional support. Additionally, if the relationship will survive, it is important not to plant additional seeds of resentment. What you're feeling in the moment will eventually pass. That isn't to say that it will ever be ok to cheat, but the raw emotions in the beginning DO fade.
Communicate Openly
Effective communication is vital during this challenging time. Establish an environment of safety where both individuals can openly communicate their thoughts and emotions without judgment. Honest and open conversations are essential to understanding each other's perspectives, motivations, and the factors that led to the affair. The most common questions that people want answered are "Why did this happen," "How did this happen," and "How can I be sure it will never happen again because I'm not sure I can survive it." A skilled couples therapist can facilitate these discussions, helping to navigate the emotional terrain and fostering a deeper understanding. This next point may sting a bit, but bear with me. Most affairs happen for a reason. I don't want you to hear that it was your fault. It wasn't. One of the most common reasons affairs happen is that some needs go unmet. That could be because it wasn't communicated, or it just didn't get understood. In all relationships, multiple people play a role.
Seek Professional Help
Infidelity is a complex issue that requires professional guidance. A couples therapist specializing in these issues Can offer an impartial and encouraging setting to assist both partners in exploring the root causes of the affair, addressing underlying issues, and developing effective communication strategies. Under the direction of an experienced professional, couples can collaborate to rebuild trust and move towards a healthier, more resilient relationship. I tell all my clients that friends and family are notorious for giving bad advice when it comes to affairs. They mean well and want to look out for you but can't see it through your eyes. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" sounds good on a bumper sticker, but it isn't true. By all means, use your support system to talk through what you're experiencing, but the decisions need to be yours, not theirs.
Establish Boundaries
Rebuilding trust involves establishing clear boundaries to prevent future transgressions. Both partners need to participate actively in creating and respecting these boundaries. New boundaries may involve renegotiating expectations, setting guidelines for communication, and rebuilding a sense of safety within the relationship. Some betrayed partners will insist on things like no-contact (or overseeing interactions if no-contact is not an option), tracking apps, or daily reports of interactions. In many cases, the betrayed partner will want to witness or perhaps orchestrate the termination of the outside relationship. These things may seem unreasonable, but they usually don't last very long, and they demonstrate openness and create safety.
Focus on Self-Care
During emotional turmoil, it's easy to neglect self-care. However, taking care of your emotional, physical, and mental well-being is crucial during this challenging period. Give importance to pursuits that bring you happiness and a sense of calm, regardless of whether you engage in moments with cherished ones, cultivate mindfulness, or engage in hobbies.
Rebuilding Trust Takes Time
Restoring trust is a step-by-step journey that demands patience and commitment from both partners. Recognize that the recovery process requires time, and advancements might come in small steps. Celebrate the victories, no matter how small, and acknowledge the effort each of you puts into rebuilding your relationship.
Conclusion of rebuilding trust after an affair in The Woodlands & League City with Couples Therapist
Discovering an affair is undoubtedly one of the most difficult challenges a couple can face. However, with dedication, open communication, and professional guidance, Establishing trust and forging a more robust connection is achievable. Remember, seeking the help of a couples therapist is not a sign of weakness but a proactive step towards healing and growth.
Suppose you find yourself in the throes of recovering from a betrayal such as infidelity. You don't have to face it alone. I'm here, and this is what I do. Please call me to schedule a free consultation. If you are still trying to figure out what you want to do or are even curious if it's possible to come back from this, let's talk about it. You deserve to feel confident in whatever decision you make.
The Woodlands-Spring TX
2219 Sawdust Drive #1101, The Woodlands, TX 77380
Kemah- League City office
820 Lawrence Road #128 , Kemah, TX 77565
At Therapy for Families, we are committed to delivering a comprehensive array of mental health services that extend beyond marriage counseling. Our clinic in Woodlands & Houston - League City serves as a focal point for various therapeutic interventions aimed at promoting overall well-being. Explore our diverse range of services, encompassing anxiety treatment, couples counseling, insomnia counseling, teen therapy, and play therapy. Additionally, our proficient counselors specialize in addressing a multitude of concerns such as stress, school issues, grief, self-esteem, impulse control, peer relationships, divorce, life transitions, parenting, behavioral issues, trauma counseling, anger management, ADHD, coping skills, social-emotional regulation, family conflict, sexual assault trauma, and domestic violence trauma. To learn more about how we can assist you on your unique journey toward mental and emotional well-being, visit our service pages at Therapy for Families & ADHD & Neurofeedback Clinic.