Turning Pain into Power: 6 Tips for Moving Forward After a Breakup
By Lauren Godfrey, MFT-I
Separating from someone you've shared a significant part of your life with can feel like the end of your world. The emotions, confusion, and heartache can make it challenging to envision a future beyond the pain. Whether the relationship ended suddenly or after a period of struggle, the journey to moving on can seem daunting.
While it might feel like you will not move on, remember that this breakup is an opportunity for personal growth and transformation. From tuning in to your emotions and seeking support to practicing new routines and setting new goals, these strategies will guide you through the challenges of your journey. Let's take a deep breath and uncover how to transform pain into power.
- Acknowledge Emotions
Allow yourself to feel the myriad emotions that come with a breakup. Although they may feel unbearable at times, emotions exist to inform us. Notice if you feel anger, peace, anxiety, depression, grief, or relief. What would the emotion be telling you if it had a voice? Remember that healing is not linear, so challenging emotions may come back. Journaling or recording voice memos is a way to process these feelings. Try journaling about one of these prompts from PsychCentral. Rather than fighting emotions, embrace them. Make a commitment to yourself that regardless of how painful this experience is, you will continue moving toward your values.
Find support from friends, family, or support groups. Whether you talk openly about your emotions or keep it minimal, confiding in others helps us see that we are not alone in our pain. It provides a release of the cycling thoughts and building emotions. Many have experienced heartache, and they might have ideas for how to heal. Honoring your feelings breaks down a barrier to healing.
2. Limit Negative Influences
Limit negative influences while healing from heartache. Negativity looks different for each person, so take note of barriers to your healing. For example, if you find that having constant reminders of your ex is a barrier, set boundaries such as removing them from social media and not contacting them. If friends or family bring additional negativity to your life, related to the breakup or not, consider limiting contact with them until you feel more healed. By limiting negativity, you increase opportunities for positive growth.
3. Create New Routines
Creating new routines allows you to build a life that looks unique to you. Start small by listening to new music, visiting new places, or getting a fresh haircut. You start to create memories for yourself that do not involve the ex. To take this step further, develop goals for yourself, such as saving up to move out of the apartment you once shared with your ex.
If developing new habits is challenging, try setting reminders on your phone. It also helps to attach a new routine to a current habit. If you want to tell yourself more positive affirmations in the morning, do it while you brush your hair or after you brush your teeth to maintain momentum. Continue checking in with yourself to gauge if your new routines are effective. Most importantly, have self-compassion during this process, and remember to reward yourself for your hard work!
4. Get Active
Staying active during your healing journey has physical and mental benefits. Being active does not mean you must go to the gym several times a week. Create a list of activities you like to do by yourself and with others. If you are still overwhelmed with emotions, start with an activity that seems most appealing and realistic, such as doing ten minutes of yoga in the first week after the breakup. Note how you feel before and after the activity. Expand your activities to include others to avoid isolating yourself in this challenging period. Track your progress with a calendar or notes on your phone to keep yourself accountable.
5. Seek Closure
Finding closure is the ultimate way to move forward after a breakup. Closure looks different for everyone. From journaling to communicating with your ex, reflect on your need to feel at peace. Writing is an effective tool for finding closure by yourself. Writing a letter to your ex allows you to communicate thoughts and emotions you may not have had the chance to express during the relationship. You can keep the letter, throw it away, or burn it (with caution!).
Having a conversation with your ex to find closure can be tricky but necessary. If both parties agree and find value in the conversation, then it could be a strong option for finding closure. Keep the conversation brief and in a neutral environment, like a park. It helps to remind yourself that the goal is not to reconcile issues but to ask questions or make final statements that promote healing henceforth.
Even if you do not feel healed after seeking closure, you must remember that healing is not linear. If what you already tried did not help, try a new way of seeking closure. A therapist can support you if you have difficulty moving forward from a breakup.
6. See a Therapist
Some individuals navigate a breakup relatively easily, while others face more difficulty. Seeking the support of a therapist during tough times is perfectly acceptable and can be highly beneficial. With a skilled therapist, you will find a secure environment to work through your emotions and begin the healing process. They can offer the structure and adaptability necessary to help you recover. Reach out to Therapy for Families (281-819-0308) for a complimentary consultation today. A dedicated professional is ready to provide the support you need.
